November 1st 2013: The very beginning of my Journey
I have to begin my journey when I was born. I was born into a family filled with love, emotion, compassion and parents who taught me to work hard and never give up. They introduced me to God and showed me to turn to Him always. Not it a shout from the roof top way but in the "They Will Know We are Christians By Our Love." (To here it click here.) I can remember being at Church when we were kids and my mom playing guitar in the Folk Mass to this song. I still have her music book from this group and this song always makes me smile.
My Dad:
- Most valuable lesson from my dad, "I will love you no matter what, support you no matter what but you can't move back home". My dad told me this the night I told my parents I was expecting Marissa and wasn't sure if Rich was going to present or not. While many people may think this is harsh my Dad knew what I needed. I learned to be strong for Marissa first and then everything else will fall into place. I also learned that you can love your children unconditionally while they struggle to figure "it" out.
- Funniest moment with my dad: So many to choose from, those of you who know my dad knows he is witty, sometimes sarcastic (apple falls near to the tree) and very quick on his feet. I think one of the funniest things I remember him doing was answering our telephone "Kelly's Mortuary, you stab them, we slab them." He did it once on a whim when the phone was ringing after dinner and we all laughed hysterically as the person on the other end said, "I am sorry, I think I called the wrong number." I think it may have been a ploy to keep boys from calling our house! He also used, "Kelly's Pool Hall, we rack 'em you stack 'em!
My Mom:
- Most valuable lesson: Anything is possible through God and hard work. When my mom died she had 13 years of sobriety under her belt. She attended meetings regularly because she knew she had to do her part to stay sober. She taught me that I needed to "keep my side of the street clean" in my relationships because I always have a part in things. It is never one persons fault completely. Take responsibility for things, make amends and move forward. When my mom was sick with cancer she fought so hard and never gave up. She told the oncologist that she "will see all her grandchildren" and she kept fighting despite chemo, radiation, surgery and horrendous side effects from meds. After 3 cancer free years when she became sick again, she fought hard until her body was tired. I looked into her eyes and said goodbye to her that day, I know she was grateful to be at peace, meeting Jesus and seeing her Dad and brother, Michael, again.
- Best Gift from my Mom: Grief won't kill me, it may feel like, it but it won't kill me. For years after my mom died in 2004 I pleaded to God to explain to me why she was taken at 59 years old. I was sad, bitter and sometimes angry! There were so many people in our life who don't take care of themselves, don't love as they should or are just plain warts on society. But my Mom was beautiful, kind and radiated love from every pore in her body! Gradually, I accepted that "someday" the why will be revealed. I always assumed that day would be when I got to heaven. However, on May 18, 2011 as Rich, Marissa and I surround Scott in the hospital and held his hand, knowing his spirit was already in Heaven with God and my mom, I had the moment of clarity. I turned to Rich and said, "I know why my Mom died when she did now. It was so she would be there to greet Scott and so that I know I can survive this."
I can't talk about starting my journey in life without telling you about Jake. Jake is my biggest defender and THE most irritating brother in the world.
- Lessons from Jake: I learned to make compromises and NEVER, EVER say, "Yes, I want to play 52 card pick up" even when he promises to help me pick them up.
- Always be dependable: As our teen age years came and went Jake and I went our different ways but I always knew he was there if I ever needed him. He was the 2nd person I told about Marissa (Rich was the first) and he said, "I am here if you need anything."
- Added bonus from Jake: My sister-in-law, Jill! Jake and Jill, loved my kids as only an aunt and uncle can and let my kids visit them long before they ever had my nephew, Max. They took them to the San Diego Fair, Legoland, the Beach, hiking and just let them hang out like "big kids". Jill and I have also pulled some wonderful pranks (which will remain unpublished for fear of retaliation) over the years! She is my partner in family crime.
- Biggest blessing from Jake: I will never forget my conversation with Jake on May 17, 2011 at about 6:00pm. I called him to tell him that Scott had been in an accident and would most likely not survive. Jake was in either Michigan or Wisconsin on a business trip and he said, "I am on my way. I don't know how quickly but I am on my way." Jake was there about midnight that same night, I still don't know how he made that happen so quickly. Jake was a voice of reason when I couldn't process things, when I hadn't left the hospital in a few days, he was the one I trusted to sit with Scott while Rich and I went home to shower. I knew he would take care of Scott as if he was his own. For this, I am so grateful. In the weeks, months and years since Scott's death Jake still calls and checks in on me. He is always the logical one I can bounce legal issues surrounding Scott's accident off-since I am rarely the logical one between the two of us. I like to think that I have learned to be more grounded from Jake and to stay focused.
Coming up tomorrow: Those who laid the foundation for my journey.
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