August is the best month in a year! I used to think so, recently I have been wondering...
When I was a kid I loved August. It was hot, but school would be starting soon
and I loved the idea of new classmates (or students when I taught). The smell of new school supplies, new shoes
for the year and a few new outfits. It
also meant nervous jitters and that summer was almost over and that meant
bedtimes would be enforced again but I always thought it was worth the tradeoff. One of the highlights in August was (and is)
the birthday of my one and only sibling, Jake.
What made that day so special for me is that my mom always let us choose
EXACTLY what we wanted for our birthday dinner (well, unless my birthday fell
on Thanksgiving which led to my long standing hate of that holiday-but that is
another blog). My mom was a stay at home
mom until we were in junior and senior high school so it wasn’t strange for us
to have yummy smells wafting through the house but birthdays were extra
special. Not only did we get dinner but
we got dessert, any kind of cake we wanted.
I have great memories of watching Jake blow out his candles and waiting
till after to open his presents. My mom
loved to see the look on our face and used to tell me about a special castle
cake she once made from a newspaper article.
She said it was a disaster and after that she stuck to “plain ol’ layer”
cakes. Really, plain? They were always made from scratch with love
and care and delicious goodness. After
she passed and I got her recipes, I found the article with the castle
cake! I can’t believe she tried it given
the tools they had back in the “olden days” of the early 60's! So, my love affair with August continued until
college and beyond.
In 1990 I had my own wonderful “birth day” to celebrate. Marissa (all 9lbs7ozs of her) arrived on August 2nd and then three years later Scott (8lbs15ozs) came screaming into the world on the 24th of August. From the time Marissa was one I loved spending all of July planning her celebration and then when Scott came along we always did 3 celebrations, one for Marissa, one for both of them with the family and then one for Scott. We had detective parties, sweet sixteen, Star Wars (with Pod Racing), baseball themed, rock climbing, sports themed, Little Mermaid, jet skiing, Fifties, Sixties (complete with tie-dye), boating on the river for a surprise party, Thomas the Train and Six Flags, plus a few more that are mushing together. In addition to all the parties there is ALWAYS a whatever their heart desires for dinner and dessert night too. Usually, on their actual birthday!
From the time Marissa could talk, I would ask her what she
wanted for dinner and what sort of cake she wanted. When I didn’t know how to make the cake I
read books (internet was new when she was a baby and thank goodness because I
don’t think I could make cakes like they do today!). I had every Wilton character pan for YEARS
and they ate up lots of cabinet space. I
sold them all a few years ago except the Barbie pan (because Marissa wanted a reprise
of that one for her 16th party).
And as the kids grew their cake tastes became more foodie and less character
in nature. Marissa’s staple birthday
cake is Pineapple Upside Down cake and Scott’s (and Matt’s too) is Red Velvet
Cake. Although, this year I am making
Apple Pie since it was his favorite ALL YEAR long.
Dinner choices varied widely over the years as sometimes the
kids wanted to eat out someplace special.
Like the year that Scott insisted that he wanted Lobster for dinner and
so we loaded everyone up and drove to Sacramento for Red Lobster. Just to see Scott pick at his and lean over
to me and say, “I don’t really think I like lobster.” I rolled with laughter and he filled up on
cheese biscuits and he learned to never try anything new on your birthday. The
next day he asked me to make him dinner so he could have another real Birthday
dinner, we had roast with all the trimmings.
The funny thing is that I think that may be the ONLY food Scott never
liked. Some his favorite bday dinners
included pulled pork, steak, duck (dinner out-I don’t cook duck), tortillas,
grilled onions, almost every vegetable, giant hamburgers and BACON, anything
with bacon. Even though Marissa is
married and owns her own home the ritual is still the same, “what do you want
for your birthday dinner?” This year I
had the joy of making her French dip, complete with homemade au jus and toasted
rolls. She also wanted asparagus and
kale chips. Marissa’s meal almost always includes beef! I can’t think of one dinner that didn’t have beef. I have
to say that even though I don’t cook often since Scott’s accident I find such
joy in creating happiness on plate for my family and dinner was perfect. Plus, we were joined by my dad and Joyce so
it was a beautiful day and way to kick off the month.
It was an August high~
As we moved past Marissa’s birthday I was blue, Scott’s day
was around the corner and I didn’t have a plan to keep focused. I thought this year I would be “okay” then I
thought if I was okay everyone was okay and no one would remember him. A grieving parent’s worst fear. There was no big joint celebration to hold
and I couldn’t hear what Scott wanted to have so I sank into a greyness that
can be described as cloudy with a chance of rain. I wondered if I would ever love August
again. Can I find joy when Scott isn’t
here to join me? I struggled. Is this
the year no one will remember him, everyone else is moving on and he isn’t, he
is no longer part of peoples life, etc. But,
after the “big cry” that comes before every milestone. The one complete with two days of swollen,
blood shot eyes and broken capillaries on my face (you know, I am not as young
as I once was) I turned the corner. I
heard a woman, Danea Horn, speak and say that “why me” is not a healthy
place. I know this to be true but
hearing it from another helped me reframe my present. Be grateful for what I have don't concentrate
on what I don’t or can’t. I have
redirected myself thousands of times over the past 2 years, 3 months and 6 days
but I had suddenly gotten stuck there. You
see, Danea has suffered health crisis after health crisis since birth and is
now on the kidney waiting list but she talks and writes about Chronic
Resilience.
I sat back in my chair
at the restaurant and said, “Thank you Lord.
I knew you would speak to me.”
The very next day, I got an email from Rich’s cousin’s wife; Michelle
that Scott’s cousins had found rugby.
She said she couldn’t help but think that since Scott’s birthday was
just around the corner he had a hand in their finding the sport. They live in Texas, never saw him play but
found it anyway. Then we went to
planning the food for Scott’s birthday!
Joy, cooking for my family and celebrating life, not death will be my
focus. We are having, in his honor, Pulled Pork (with
the Red Bull/Coke Sauce-which I developed for him), Vidalia onions on the bbq,
asparagus, homemade rolls (maybe-Scott was my baker so I am using his recipe
and hoping for the best) and Apple Pie with ice cream.
I wonder what you have in Heaven on your birthday. We will gather as a family and tell stories
about him but I know he will be in heaven celebrating the 6477 days, 15 hours,
54 minutes he spent with us here before going to Heaven! With him will be his Grammy, great
grandparents, and all the brothers and sisters he has met there like Travis B.,
Ben, Michael, Travis F., Nora, Jimmy, my friend Clarisse’s dad (tearing up and
leaving dollars around) and more like Quinn, Jesse, Molly, Timothy and Todd plus so many, many
more! I know they are together sharing
the journey just like their parents are here together sharing the journey. I hope they like to eat like you do! Like a 6 year old waiting for Christmas morning, I wait for the time we can all celebrate together again.
So, do I think August is still the best month? I do!
I get to celebrate Marissa, I get to celebrate Scott and I get to
continue to attempt to leave a positive mark on this world. Like all the people I admire (which i tried to name here and ran out of space). So, go out and enjoy the last few days of the best month of the year!
If you
think of it, do a random act of kindness in celebration of Scott! We will be!
Sigh... Thanks for sharing Deanna! You are such an inspiration to so many!!!
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